If we who call ourselves “Christ followers” are called to be experts in anything, it’s forgiveness.  We must be experts in receiving forgiveness, otherwise we remain in condemnation.  We must be experts in granting forgiveness, otherwise we’re missing the point entirely.

One of the hardest, thorniest and most difficult things we humans are ever called upon to do is to respond to evil with kindness, and to forgive the unforgivable.  Yet study after study shows that one of the keys to longevity and good health is to develop a habit of gratitude and let go of past hurts.

Forgive the unforgivable. It really is the kindest thing you can do for yourself. Your enemy may not deserve to be forgiven for all the pain and sadness and suffering purposefully inflicted on your life, but you deserve to be free of this evil.  As Ann Landers often said, “hate is like an acid. It destroys the vessel in which it is stored.”

TIPS TO BE A BETTER FORGIVER

Put your best mental energies (perhaps first thing in the morning) into visualizing the new life you want. See yourself – in the future – as free of this pain and suffering.

Keep the following quotes in mind if you’re finding it hard to generate positive feelings for the person:

  • “Those who are the hardest to love, need it the most.”
  • “Follow peace with all men, and holiness,” -Hebrews 12:14″
  • “As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons.”
  • “Hating someone is drinking poison and expecting the other person to die from it.”
  • “If we could read the secret history of our enemies we should find in each man’s life sorrow and suffering enough to disarm all hostility.” – Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
  • “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you” – The Golden Rule (Luke 6:31)
  • “Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a great battle.”- Philo of Alexandria
  • Sometimes it helps to think of how others have forgiven under incredible circumstances. Ask friends for support and examples to motivate you toward forgiveness.
  • Forgiveness is a choice. When you say, “I can’t forgive that person,” what you’re really saying is, “I’m choosing not to forgive that person.” If you say it the second way instead, you’ll find yourself forgiving soon.

Keep these four points in mind when forgiving someone:

  • Do not bring up the situation up to yourself.
  • Do not bring up the situation to the offender.
  • Treat the offender as if it never happened.
  • Do not talk about the situation to others.

Fair Warning

True forgiveness is unconditional and not predicated on any act or request from the offender. The type of forgiveness discussed here is intended to free you from the impotent rage, depression, and despair that nursing a grievance causes.

An offender who wants reconciliation must do his or her part: offer a sincere apology, promise not to repeat the offense (or similar ones), make amends, and give it time. If you don’t see repentance, understand that according forgiveness to that person is a benefit to yourself, not to the offender. However, forgiveness of this type must be applied with wisdom and discernment. Sometimes the forgiveness we grant must be accompanied by a healthy avoidance of those who are unrepentant of the harm that they have inflicted upon us.

This article about forgiveness incorporates the contributions of others at WikiHow.com, and as such all text in this article is released under the same Create Commons License that governs WikiHow content.